This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
