I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
