Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
