i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
