Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
