I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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