so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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