I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Terrible idea I love it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
