if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
