it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
