I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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