I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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