we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
