I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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