We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
