I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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