So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
