His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is wine microwaveable?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
