I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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