Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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