I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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