god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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