a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize