Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
50% drunk capacity currently
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
