LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
