i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
