FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
