Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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