I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
