I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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