We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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