How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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