its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
