I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
