People in love make me want to vomit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
