i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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