Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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