he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
