i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
