She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
