Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
