I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
