k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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