her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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