i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
