Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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