Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
