Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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