you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
