I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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